The Q at Parkside

(for those for whom the Parkside Q is their hometrain)

News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.

Friday, July 10, 2015

DNA - Not Just For Fingering Perps

The ever-remarkable DNAInfo provides a detailed police blotter, and boy howdy does this one start with a barn burner. In a scene reminiscent of the cult film Reefer Madness, "crack" journalist Rachel Holiday Smith recounts the detail of a canabismal confrontation:

A man slashed his female companion in the neck with a machete after the pair’s pot-smoking session went sour.
The 45-year-old woman and the man were smoking pot at an apartment at 580 Flatbush Ave. inProspect-Lefferts Gardens in the early morning hours of July 4, police said. When the man told her to leave around 6:30 a.m., the pair got into an argument.
A short time later, the man took out the machete and slashed the woman multiple times in the neck, police said.
The woman suffered minor injuries and fled the apartment.
The last line leaves me stunned. "The woman suffered minor injuries..."
All I can say is this baked bully used remarkable restraint and precision to take a machete (my neighbor from Guyana calls it a cutlass) and slash a neck multiple times without serious injury. In my extensive experience, machete slashings tend to end badly. Real badly.
The more important question for me is whether this 6:30 am attack took place at the END of a long night, or was this is more of a wake and bake kind of thing?
Glad no one was hurt too terribly. Counseling, both anger and drug, might be indicated. 
An related advertisement caught my eye. First off, who needs a ten-piece machete set? Secondly, shouldn't a machete ALWAYS be sold with a sheath?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had the exact same reaction when I read this. What is a "minor" machete wound? Is this guy really really bad at machetes?

I live in 580 Flatbush and look forward to more details about this incident, specifically which one of my neighbors has dull machetes just lying around in case someone is Bogarting a spliff.

Adrian said...

A google image search reveals that the "10 piece machete set" is being marketed for the purpose of killing zombies. e.g. http://www.weapons-universe.com/10-pc-takedown-undead-slayer-machete.htm

As far as the allegations, everything written in a police report or web post isn't true. The lack of serious injuries suggests that "slashed the woman multiple times in the neck with a machete" was a creative exaggeration of what really happened (either by the complainant, the officer taking the report, or the DNA reporter). Perhaps THC blurred the account as well.

Clarkson FlatBed said...

maybe it was a really, really small machete? like, tweezer-sized?